Special keys

I used to trust easily. I thought that if my intentions were pure, if I showed up with honesty and kindness, the world would meet me halfway. It didn’t. Over and over again, I gave people the benefit of the doubt, let them in, believed that maybe this time it would be different. However, I ended up disappointed, not just in them but in myself for believing so hard.

Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I let my excitement to connect, to care and to belong come across as desperation. Perhaps being genuinely happy to have people in my life made them think I needed them more than I should. It’s strange how pure intentions can be misread, how kindness can be mistaken for weakness and how loyalty becomes invisible when it’s not convenient for others.

I know that people are not the same. And that's why I still have a glimpse of hope in humanity. But sometimes it becomes so hard to believe especially when the story keeps repeating with different faces. They say every open door has a cost so that's why my door stays closed out of self-respect. 

I still believe good people exist because I exist, because my loved ones exist. But access to me comes with special keys, keys only earned through, sincerity, humility, empathy, consistency and real depth. Nobody is getting another chance to make me question these beautiful qualities.