The shadow side of expectations

I’ve always been familiar with the Pygmalion effect. The idea that people tend to rise to the level of expectations placed on them. It’s always reasonated with me. Believing in someone, pushing them a little higher until they're suddenly capable of more than they thought. I’ve leaned on that idea constantly in the classroom throughout my teaching career and I’ve watched kids completely transform just because I treated them like they could.

What I didn’t know until recently is that there’s a darker flip side called the Golem effect. Same principle, just reversed. 

Low expectations pull people down.

That realization really made me stop and think. How many times have we, without meaning to, boxed someone in by assuming they couldn’t do more? And how many times have I been on the receiving end of that without realizing it had a name?

The truth is, people often become what we expect them to be. Expectations don’t just live in our heads but they bleed into how we speak, how we act and how we treat others. And unfortunately, that treatment slowly shapes their reality.

It’s really humbling. The Pygmalion effect is hopeful and inspiring while the Golem effect is a gut check. It reminds me that doubts weigh people down. Even a quiet "probably not" or an unspoken underestimation can steer someone’s path.

That’s why we have to be careful not to feed the Golem. We should focus on reinforcing the Pygmalion effect instead. Society often teaches us to lower expectations as a kind of shield in order to "protect ourselves from disappointment" but the downside is that over time, we start expecting the bad before it even happens. Sure, caution has its important place. However letting that mindset harden into an unshakable belief is exactly when it starts working against us.

Learning about this made me pause and re-examine my own expectations, not only for myself but for everyone I cross paths with. Because whether we like it or not, the bar we set for others usually ends up being the one they reach.